Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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