he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
me + whiskey = a bad person
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Your penis caused this!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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