i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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