What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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