go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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