I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
