my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
