Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
