I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
