HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
