apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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