I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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