Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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