last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize