i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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