i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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