I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
