I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
