I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I believe in your delicious
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
