All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize