Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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