i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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