Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
