If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
