I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
