he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
