other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
