If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
