Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
