A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
