At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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