can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
