Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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