why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
