btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize