More tranny stories later!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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