There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
