Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have aggressive nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
