Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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