she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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