Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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