I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
