I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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