So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
