you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
