Plan B is the new Plan A
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
