I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
