I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
