he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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