I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
