Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
