If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
