Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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