4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize