Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
