she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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