You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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