I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
