I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
