i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
