I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
