I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
