Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
