He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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