I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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