do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
