i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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