where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
