apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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