oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
